Victoria's Secret: The Secret To Getting A Gal's Butt Off the Couch

So last night as I was preparing for an evening soak (you're looking at the only adult in the tri-state area who takes regular baths, right here) I got a call from some pals with an invite to come over, drink some wine, and shame ourselves by watching the Victoria's Secret Fashion show. This invitation hit an Amanda "Sweet Spot"- it's free, it involves being extra bitchy, and I can do it in my sweats.

I had already worked out last night, basically controlled myself throughout the day, and treated myself to a bubble bath so I went in pretty optimistic. I left feeling... a little differently. They're beautiful girls, they really are. But man... Did you see Beyonce? Tell me she was not looking more lovely and sexual than any girl up on the runway! She's my idol. I enjoyed the show though. We had a good time watching, DIED when Adam Levine escorted his girlfriend down the stage, and I believe we'll all be meeting at the gym tonight in the vain effort to someday, maybe, whittle our thighs down to the size of one of their torsoes.

Here's a link to a CBS story about it, and few of my favorite photos from last night:

She's my fave! 

Nicki Minaj was looking absolutely fly, per usual.

Also, who was not excited to see Hov come out? Screen shots of Queen B were not far behind.

THIS moment... ugh. 

I Think Elegance and Attitude are the Same Thing

This reminds me of another one of my favorite reality shows:

Let's Hang on to What We've Got

My favorite sort of mail is catalogues. I request catalogues from any store I might ever want to buy anything from. I shop almost exclusively online but I just really go nuts over a catalog. One week, I got an Eddie Bauer, a Crate and Barrel, AND a Better Homes and Gardens magazine and I almost went berzerker.

I am Meg Swan.

http://youtu.be/lQKdEdzHnfU

Happiness Sounds

Graditude is Attidude

Source

After reading this Time's article, I'm compelled to, in wishing you a Happy Thanksgiving, share what I'm grateful for. Here are those things, in no particular order:

My cat Fatty and his ability to curl up by my face and be super cuddly
Avocado in anything
Control-top tights
The feature on my iPhone that makes it really easy to take my own picture now
Brett and every single thing he does for me every single second of the day
The Target shoe section
The Internet
Aquaphor
My little sister and her sense of humor
My mom, my dad, my step mom, and all of my step siblings. I love the pants off those guys
Diet Coke
Mascara and eyebrow pencils
My dog Stella and the mornings when she doesn't wake up at 6 to go pee
My friends, with whom I drink, eat, laugh, cry, and experience the very best parts of life. More pants off loving
My job, which pays and provides for my WASPy lifestyle
The people I work with who are these tremendous, hilarious, generous people
J. Crew Factory. . . bless you.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours. I hope that this day finds you in a place you are grateful to be, with people you are lucky to know, in a world you are glad to live in. All my love.

Blogging Mediocrity, or How to Be Average at Everything

The fact of the matter is that I'm only moderately good at anything. This comes remarkably into play in the blogging world. I mean, write what you know, right?

I'm only sort of crafty. I can crochet, and follow an online tutorial, and I made a pretty legit dress for a lion costume this Halloween.

Exhibit A:

I'm also only sort of fashionable. As you can see above, my hair can do some pretty unpredictable things, but I buy a vast majority of my clothes at Gap and not very well. Here's a photo of an outfit where I boldly paired a blazer with a pencil skirt:

For reference though, here's a picture where I wore all black and looked conceivably thinner, and one where I wore a cat skirt: 

This is about as adventurous as it gets with this budget. 

I'm also only moderately committed to living a lifestyle that vaguely resembles anything healthy, this is, working out, eating right, etc etc. I have no kids and mommy-blogging seems to have a pretty strict requirement in that regard.

I don't have a particularly dramatic or interesting job and to be perfectly honest, I'd rather have my eyelashes plucked out than have to tell another person what my wedding colors are. 

What I'm getting at is an apology for all the times in the future I'm probably going to blog about lipstick. These are things in my life that fall into the center of the venn diagram of things I care about, can afford, and don't make me nauseous to say out loud. 

This has been a public service announcement.

Cocktail Rings Make Your Polish Look Good

Kate Spade

This hand... it's just so... where I want to be.

File Under:  Fat Fingers Prohibit Index Finger Rings

"Good Gold!"

Product I'd Recommend:

The nail polish that I'm currently letting disintegrate off my nails is Revlon's Gold Coin.

Another review, here

I couldn't find the color online, but I'm pretty sure it's still available in drugstores, because as we know... that is where I shop exclusively. Also, in case you've never met me and thought I was less skanky than I am, those aren't my nails. My nails look like this:

Anyway, the point is, prior to the 4 week mark, this nail polish is killer. I'm pretty white bread which means I don't like to spend a lot of time getting ready in the morning, so I like how it looks like I could be holding a martini glass instead of a stapler and a cup of coffee.

It's more shiny and less glittery which is excellent for two reasons: 1) it applies very easily and 2) as a person who uses polish remover as a very last resort, this polish comes off a whole helluva lot easier than glitter polish which requires you to soak in acetone from the elbows down for an evening.

It's also fits in remarkably well with a glamorous lion costume, which I was for Halloween and which you, my fiance, and all of my friends will hear about until next October. Because it was an excellent costume is why. Here is a photo of that costume, where my nails are the only good looking people:

Also making a cameo appearance is another product I'd recommend for any of your 70s glam needs,  Hard Candy's Meteor-eyes Baked Eyeshadow in Lunar Eclipse. 

Review here

I'll be honest, I tried to put this on my face one morning before work, expecting it go on sheer when I used a brush instead of a damp sponge applicator, and that was just the wrong plan. It's this intense. I promise. Wear it when you want to get laid NOT when you want a raise... and I'm just going to assume those don't happen at the same time.

"How Happiness Sounds, or Get Out of Your Grump Pants"

I've posted this before but let's be honest here, I worship at the altar of Beyonce. Only a true diva would have back up dancers thinner than she is without taking any attention off her fine ass.

File Under: Everything I Ever Want to Be In Life Ever