Fabulously Cheap: Accessories

I'll be completely honest, I spend a significant portion of my day-dreaming about sitting by a fireplace in a cashmere sweater, toasting champagne in a Herve Leger at my engagement party, drinking lattes with a Birkin bag resting casually beside my crossed, dainty ankles (you're getting the fantasy montage here right...?) I'm always a size 4 in these daydreams too so I hope that gets the point across that these images are a complete fabrication of my psyche- things that just simply won't ever occur. Except maybe the cashmere. I don't think it's too much to ask that I have one item of cashmere in my life.

The point is that a county bumpkin like me just isn't going to have the cash flow or the lifestyle to ever make those big ticket purchases a reality. The fact is that if I ever have the cash flow to buy a Birkin, I'll probably also have a six year old whose snot I don't really want to wipe on my $30,000 bag. Besides that, I'm 23, living in the butt crack of the Midwest, and only 1 in 25 people who I meet would know what a Birkin was without a Google search, followed by a Wikipedia article.

I won't, however, stop my search, nay, my quest, to get a little bit of fabulous right here, right now. The perfect compromise? Accessories. Every big boy designer purchase has a little baby brother for a more affordable price and if not, then a first cousin will suit as a resonable knock-off. (Does that even make sense? Go cheap, is what I'm saying.)

I know what you really want is this delightful little Coach bag here:

But honey, I'm saving for a wedding. That $400 is spoken for! This satchel from Payless, will only set you back $26:

Slap this gorgeous Coach scarf on the handle and bam! You are looking luxe for less.

I think you see where I'm going with this. I just really love that you can spend a fourth of what you might have otherwise, and still have something really glamorous, super fun, while staying absolutely in budget. Here are some of my favorite accessory-picks, all clocking in under $150:

Leather Cashmere-Lined Gloves from Coach, $98:

Leather Wallet from Coach, $138:

Chevron Wristlet from Coach, $118: 

High 5 Mittens from Kate Spade, $65:
 

Metallic Ear Warmer from Kate Spade, $85:

Black Leggings from Kate Spade, $48:

Paperclip Notes Gift Set from Kate Spade, $35:

Silk Square Scarf from LL Bean Signature, $39:

Sport Wool Bag from LL Bean Signature, $95:

Skinny Braided Belt from LL Bean Signature, $39

Ballet Slipper from LL Bean Signature, $79 (on sale):

Handbag from J.Crew Factory, $150 (on sale):

Aviator Sunglasses from J.Crew Factory, $20:

Enamled Bangle from J. Crew, $20:

Signet Ring from J. Crew, $25:

Vintage Pajama Sleep Set from J. Crew, $78:

To my mind, you can pretty much shop exclusively at Target (and I know plenty of fabulous people that do!), sprinkle in a generous helping of deluxe accessories, and you're not only faking it... you're making, it baby!

GaGa Honey, Sit! Eat!

Source

How telling is it that the first reaction I had to this illustrations was "GaGa looks too thin." 

Our Differences Will Bring Us Together

Do you ever wonder if your personal habits are vastly different than those around you? Like you've been doing something one way your entire life before you saw someone do it differently and thought, "What the HELL! That's not right!"

Before I started dating Brett, I always buttered both sides of the bread whenever I made grilled cheese. I saw him make it once and he only buttered the outside and it was literally not until that moment that I realized how unnecessary it was for me to butter the inside of the sandwich. I've since ceased and desisted.

I also put the syrup in the refridgerator until Brett pointed out that his family did not do that and it made much more sense to enjoy syrup from the cabinet at room tempurature rather than icy cold from the fridge.

But those things are easy. They're clearly habits that we pick up from our parents and families and only when we live in close quarters with another person is there ever any light shed on how weird they might be.

What about more private habits, things that no one else ever sees you do? For example, I wonder if I use signficantly more or less toilet paper in a sitting than the average person. Is it normal that when I shave my legs I always go in the order: calves, thighs, toes, feet? Did I transition from sugared to black coffee at a regular pace or did my laziness advance me to bitter coffee at an earlier age? No one ever told me how to do these things explicitly, though to be honest I feel like I missed some very crucial information as I matured from child to teen to young adult (who dropped the liquid eyeliner ball, I'd like to know.) These are the things that keep me up at night, or rather, the things I think about in the bathroom at work.

This has been a serious post.

Mate Lipstick is Chic, Not Cheap

Product I'd Recommend:

My Favorite Lipstick right now is Revlon's Super Lustrous Matte Lipstick in Pink Pout.

My absolute favorite thing about it, other than the color, and other than the fact that you can buy it for cheap anywhere, is that you can apply it in the car, with your eyes closed, after a margarita (or three.) It's so user friendly. I think matte lipsticks are just like that. Super wearable. The website describes it as creamy and I'd say that's pretty accurate. Not creamy like gravy though. Creamy like... cheesecake filling. It's also this Barbie pink color, so it's insta-glam for any outfit without being too vampy. And when you've got braces, vampy is a real no-go. Don't skip on the chapstick though- if your lips are chapped it doesn't look great. I'd recommend coating your lips with vaseline (or Aquaphor, which I'm addicted to) and then lightly scrubbing it off with a warm, damp washcloth. Wah-la! Beautiful, soft lips. Also- keep it in your pocket for reapplication. It's not the most stay-proof.
Here's a photo of what it looks like on-

Find the review here

Those aren't my lips by the way. I keep my moustache a lot thicker. 

Word

Happiness Sounds

 I Actually Like This Country Song, So Shut Up About It

Pet Peeves

Let me tell you about a pet peeve of mine that is totally irrational insofar as it's present in my personality.

I absolutely hate it when people don't throw away disposable dishes.

Dixie cups are not meant to be washed and reused, team. They are for keg beer and for church basement kool-aid and then you throw that shit away. Plastic forks and spoons are glorious in their thriftiness and cheapness.

But here is the duality of my personality- I am forever trying to save ziplock bags. I could probably get by on one box of ziplock baggies for like a year. But really, if you only put baby carrots in it, why can't you just rinse it out and put some cheese in it later too? I never reuse them if I've put anything saucy or creamy in them, but honestly... how often are you putting Alfredo in a ziplock bag?

All I Want Is To Do Nothing

Confessions.

I am so lazy.

I think my fatal flaw is laziness. What hubris was to the ancient Greek heroes, laziness is to this white Midwestern girl who carries her weight around the middle.

Brett said it best- "I like my job. I like money. I like have something to do during the day. I just hate work."

This is totally how I feel. (Brett is my spirit animal, by the way. This is why we are getting married. To annoy the world with our idioms, together.)

There is really no solution to this problem in real time. I can't go back and be born the heiress of an oil mogul so I'm destined to live this life of multiple Internet tabs: email, Pintrest, Mindy Kaling's blog, and westelm.com.

The truth is unless you're born into the margins of society like a Kardashian or a Hilton or a Lohan, the only time you get to relax is on vacation. How can one afford vacation? You got it, Jack: a full time job. I mean, my full time job is pretty cush as far as full time jobs go. A couple weeks ago I spent all morning in a Christmas apron and a Santa hat. I also can't even begin to calculate how much I get paid to stand around and eat. Like I said before, I like my job. It's the work I can't stand.

And to clarify, it's not that I want to stay home all day. I mean, even a stay at home mom doesn't approach my required levels of relaxation. I do not want to deal with little goblins of either child or cleaning variety during the day. I want to sleep in, and watch Nova Documentaries on Netflix Instant Watch, and practice making different types of cookies. I also want to try different nail designs, and walk around on comfortably carpeted floors in new heels, and take really long bubble baths (in this dream sequence I have a jacuzzi tub also, just bear with me here.)

I guess it's the human condition we're really talking about here. One white girl's need to succeed in life while doing as absolutely little as possible. What I'm saying- pray for me. And also never ask me to do anything after 3:30 pm.

File Under: Why I'll Never Be Thin and/or Nominated for Awards

Who I Would Be If I Couldn't Be Me

I work pretty hard to be a self-actualized modern woman, but there are a few people that I just adore so much that I would quite literally give up every shred of my own style to just meld into their auras. These people are just the best of the best, icons really. I always envy them, whenever I see them.

Kate Middleton:

 Lauren Conrad:

Beyonce (Let's be honest, if I'm posting, I'm posting about Beyonce):

Christina Hendricks:

Beer: The Elixir of Life or What You Get Into After College

Product(s) I'd Recommend:

Beer. Specifically, a beer for all three seasons: Sweaty Season, Sweater Season, and Those 2 Days in September When It's Fucking Glorious Outside.

Cold Weather: 

The Boulevard Pilsner is the perfect beer for rookies like me, who you'll learn after my next two recommendations, like their beer to taste like not beer. It's the older half brother from Bud Light's Dad's first marriage. You can drink it. You won't really like it at first, but it'll grow on you. It's really good to order at a bar when you'll be maligned again for ordering shitty beer. And let's get real, when it's nasty outside, where else would you be but at the bar? Put on your turtleneck, get out the board games, and enjoy a night in with the Pilsner. 

Hot Weather: 

Twisted Tea is truly legit. It really tastes like tea which is usually a stretch for things that claim to be what they clearly are not. (Like Katy Perry and her entire career in the music industry.) I've only ever had one in a sitting, so no news on whether or not this could potentially send you to the ER after you fell into the bonfire whilst screaming "I THROW MY HANDS UP IN THE AIR SOMETIMES! AY OH!" 

Tolerable Weather: 

Woodchuck Hard Cider is like the first guy you were really into in high school. He's a little more serious than the boy you held hands with on the bus (Smirnoff Ice) but way less intense than your college boyfriend who gets you drunk so you'll open up about your true thoughts on Feminism in Mass Media Representations of Political Power (Long Island Ice Tea), but you still remember fondly even when you are engaged to be married to a guy who has both a full time job and an X-Box (Whiskey and Diet Cokes). The honest truth is that it's just really delightful, there are no hard feelings between you and Woodchuck Hard Cider. Makes you want to crawl into a flannel shirt, put your hair in braids, and just be that chick who actually looks cute in flannel and braids. 

If you're lucky enough to live near a Hy-Vee and have a fiance who has a penchant for their "Make Your Own Six Pack"s then you can drink all three of these in one night inside the comfort of your own home and give a big middle finger to whatever the weather's doing outside.